2 Cor 10:5” We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
“I never thought in my life I would be here.” I cried to my friend. I looked at her across from her living room with tears in my eyes. I had finally come to my point of no return, I was completely “done with life” and I didn’t know if I could be the women I knew God was calling me to be. It was hard, it hurt and I wasn’t seeing how this could help me.
“Do you think maybe God is trying to get you to a place where it doesn’t matter.” she asked gently. I cried even harder, for several years of my life and I felt like I was under a stigma. I was tired, no matter what I did in a sphere of my life I was wrong, I was never good enough and I was constantly talked about. I was so focused on my lack and I grew so angry at myself and just wanted to give up.
“Why couldn’t I be different? Why couldn’t I just be who others wanted me to be?” I felt like a failure and I felt like no matter what I did I would be looked at like I was wrong. Never adding up.
We prayed and I felt better, just having someone to confide in who wouldn’t be affected by the situation was a great weight lifted. On the way home I heard a whisper “am I enough?” I didn’t want to listen to that voice, because I knew what it was asking. I wanted God to change my situation, give me an easier task. I wanted to be justified in how wrong people were about me. I wanted to hear people say exactly that. But what God was asking me to do was to stick it out, learn to stand even when I got nothing from it. Even when no one saw me I could be okay with who I was. God didn’t move me from my circumstances but He changed my perspective.
God brought several scriptures to me that I stood on every day,and they helped me overcome this area of my life. The first was: 2 Cor 10:5” We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
Whenever my mind would go to a place that wasn’t holy and I would begin to feel myself slide down to that place of torture I would say “I take captive every thought in Jesus name.” Sometimes it was moment by moment. Sometimes I yelled it in my car, when I would wake up, when I was working. I had to start here because my thoughts were what was causing me pain and like a reel, were replaying every single thing that hurt me. It was a reminder of why not letting go of my pain couldn’t happen. I started to gain peace and my focus was switched from external to internal. As I started to do this I was able to look at the situation with less of a victim and more of a student. When the hurt voice was silenced I saw how I first had to forgive and repent. I first asked God to forgive me for not trusting him. I then had to ask for forgiveness because I was trying to trade who I was for a watered down version of me. God didn’t create me to be suppressed but to be me complete. That daughter was fierce, loud, fun and bold. If you are struggling I would encourage you today to take captive every thought that doesn’t line up with who God says you are and be the women God created you to be.
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